“The caged bird sings with a fearful trill, of things unknown, but longed for still, and his tune is heard on the distant hill, for the caged bird sings of freedom.”-Maya Angelou
How is a bird to spread its wings if it is constantly being held down?
How can a butterfly transform if it doesn’t first break out of the shell of the cacoon?
In order to be set free, you have to first break free of whatever bondage is holding you.
Can I be honest with you my readers? I want to open up to you about some of the things I have been going through.
I want to let you know about how my life has drastically changed over the past 30 Days.
I have gone through more in the past 30 Days, then I have gone through in almost 30 years of living.
But I hope to inspire someone with my testimony and hopefully help someone who may be going through something similar. I want to be an example of how you can survive through adversity and come through stronger.
The only way to understand what lead me here now is for me to go back from the beginning.
For as long as I can remember I have had a passion for acting and for entertainment. I have always loved creating and using my talent to inspire others.
I loved it so much that I actually ended up going to school and getting my Bachelor’s Degree in Theatre Performance.
I was at one of the highest points in my life. I was fully living in my passion and I had finally made it to a milestone.
For me I had always dreamed of being a full-time artist. I wanted to graduate school and move to a big city where I could pursue my dreams.
I never saw my life going any other way. I had a plan mapped out and that was going to be just how it went.
But everybody knows that plans hardly ever go accordingly. Things never end up going the way we plan but how they are meant to be.
So instead of graduating and heading off to New York to pursue all of my dreams, I had ended up changing my plans.
By the time I graduated college I had gotten into a relationship with a man, who I would end up marrying and eventually having three beautiful daughters with.
I never thought that I wanted to get married or have kids. I had only had one goal in mind, to pursue my dreams.
When I met my husband I was heading into my last year of college and I had already had my life mapped out.
But I was also at a stage in my life that I was vulnerable and ready to be in a serious relationship.
Because of the strained relationship I have with my father. With him not being present in my life very much growing up, it left a void in my life.
I wanted to be loved. I longed for the love and attention from a man to feel complete. I had been in some previous relationships, fell in love with some men that it didn’t work out with and I was ready to finally find real love.
So when I met my husband one night I was out with my friends. It felt like it was love at first sight.
We instantly clicked and we had so much in common. We grew closer and closer by the day and before I knew it I was in love.
So by the time I graduated college I had been in a relationship for over a year and I didn’t want to just up and move out the state.
He had a job and I wanted to be with him so I decided to stay in the city I met him at. We decided we would move to somewhere bigger once we saved money and planned things out more.
In the process of waiting to save money to leave, I ended up moving back to my hometown.
I wanted to be closer to my family and there were better job opportunities in the city. Even though the acting opportunities are slim to none where I’m from. Especially anything that is paying and able to sustain my bills.
So needless to say I ended up working at a regular 40 hour a week job. I figured I would save money and in a few years be able to move and pursue my dreams.
While trying to save money I ended up getting pregnant with my first child.
So all the money I wanted to save to move would now be spent on diapers, wipes, and baby supplies.
None the less I was determined. I still had plans on moving it would just take a little longer.
So here I am with a baby and I had got engaged to my soon to be husband. I was caught up in life, paying bills and taking care of a baby, not being able to save any money for my move.
Then before I knew it. I was pregnant again. And this time. Twins. I was having not just one baby, but two. So if my plans were deferred before they would definitely be taking a back seat now.
So when I got pregnant with my twins my goal became marriage and working to provide for my family.
I had been engaged for a year and a half and I decided I had to get married before the kids came. I was emotional and I was thinking about how I didnt want to be left alone raising 3 kids.
So I got married. It was a small ceremony with family and friends. I thought that this was my life now.
I wanted to do acting still but I had kids and it just didnt feel right to take time away from them to try to pursue my dreams, especially because it wasn’t paying.
I had found a really good job. It had great benefits and was the kind of job you would want as an adult.
I had settled. I was becoming content with just being a wife and mom and working a regular job like so many other people do.
Which there is nothing wrong with that if that’s what you want. But me I never wanted just that out of life.
I always felt that I had a purpose. I wanted to have a career not just a job. I felt I was meant to make a difference in the world and I just wasn’t living in my purpose.
Then in May I got into a major car accident. It was a very scary but eye opening event.
I thought that I was going to lose my life. And that thought scared me. It scared me because there was still so much I had yet to accomplish.
I was living my life as if I had the promise of tomorrow. So that car accident made me reevaluate my whole life.
I wasn’t happy. I had settled into the life that I went to school to break free from.
The one that I worked a regular job and lived paycheck to paycheck, to provide a home and bare minimum needs for my family.
I was heading down a path that I wasn’t satisfied with and I didn’t even realize I had become a caged bird in my own life.
But then I crashed into that wall. And it was like my whole life flashed before my eyes.
I knew from that moment on that I wanted more for myself. I no longer wanted to ignore my passion. I had to start doing things that would begin to satisfy me once again.
So a few months later I began to do things that would get me back to my old self. Things that would reignite that spark that I had somehow let burn out over the years.
So I went out and finally u
landed a part time job that would actually pay me to do my acting.
Shortly after that I started my Blog. As Told By Val. It was my baby. Finally I had an outlet for my creativity and I could begin to do things I’m passionate about again.
So me being the ambitious person that I am. I decided to do a 30 Day Blog Challenge. Which if you have been keeping up with my blog than you know I succeeded.
But what I didnt know was that in starting my 30 Day Blog Challenge that my life would take a whole different path.
One of the things that I had been dealing with for the past 7 years of being with my husband was his alcoholism.
I loved him but it was something that he battles with and I had silently suffered through with him.
He had done a lot of bad things to me while he was drinking. But because I loved him I thought that he would change.
I was holding onto a dream. A dream that one day he would truly change and become the man I needed him to be.
I was silently dealing with abuse and neglect from my husband, the man that I loved and had put all my life plans on hold for.
But all of the pressures of life were becoming to real.
I was working a job that I wasnt satisfiied with, in a marriage I wasn’t happy in anymore, all while being a mother and holding down my household.
But then I started my 30 Day Blog Challenge and it was like all the things that were holding me down, were removed from me in a course of 30 Days.
First I quit my job, on my birthday none the less. It was not an easy decision to make by far. I really liked my job. I had good benefits and I was good at what I did. It was the kind of job I would have saw myself moving up in the company.
But I was dealing with so much in my personal life. My marriage was falling apart. I was stressed out and tired all the time from working full-time and being a full-time mom.
I had totally depleted myself and I just couldn’t keep up my own charade anymore.
So I quit my job and I was depending on the fact that my husband would finally step up to the plate and take on the responsibility of being the sole provider for our family.
But boy did that go differently than planned.
Somehow with me starting my blog and finally doing things to satisfy me I lost the support of my husband.
Things got worse between us after we got married and somehow they just finally came to a boiling point.
We got into the worst fight of our entire relationship and things took a turn for the worst.
We got into a physical altercation and it ended with him destroying my brand new car and leaving me and my kids behind with nothing.
How could this be my life? How could this be real? How could things have gotten this bad?
Because I had quit my job, I didnt have a way to pay my bills, so I literally had to be out my place a few days ago.
So here I was. My whole life falling apart before my eyes and yet I was determined to finish my 30 Day Blog Challenge.
It was like I had everything in the world working against me to get me to quit and give up. But I persevered through it all.
And even though I’m hurting right now as I write these very words. I know that everything that happened is going to end up working for my good.
I know that even though it may seem like I’ve lost a lot I am only shedding the things that were hindering me from my growth.
And now my life has drastically changed. I am not okay some days. I am very much so still processing all of the things I’ve just gone through. If you believe in prayer than please pray for me.
But I have never felt more clear in life. I am just now beginning to live my life.
I have nothing really holding me here anymore. I have an opportunity to relocate with my sister, so I am going to be moving to Denver in November.
It’s a whole new oppurtunity for me. Its a fresh start.
I need to rebuild the pieces of my life again.
My life is completely different from what it was 2 years and even 2 months ago.
I’ve lost a lot. But sometimes you have to lose it all to gain it all.
I am very much unsure of what the future holds for me. But I am more fearless than ever.
I will be living in a bigger city with more opportunities and it just feels like the universe is calling me to this point.
I thought that my life was going to be one way but that picture is changing day by day.
I know that I have a lot more to figure out and this is by far from easy.
I know that I will have more tears and more obstacles to face but I am more sure than ever that I am on the right track.
I am breaking free from all the things that have been toxic for me or have held me from truly living my passion.
Now I have the oppurtunity to spread my wings and finally do what I’ve always wanted to do. Be an artist.
So this is my life. This is As Told By Val. Raw, Real, and My Journey.
This is my future!
This is my story!
This is the next chapter!
Denver in November!
-As Told By Val
Thanks for reading